I Want This So Badly...

When was the last time you wanted something really badly?

I guess for some it's the new iphone or that house you saw on the way up north. 

For others it's that job you've spent four years of your life studying for or maybe it's more personal than that.

There aren't a lot of things that I've wanted more badly than this. And it's hard for me to talk about things that are not yet mine. I don't like to be in want, I don't like getting my hopes up for things that are not certain and I don't like sounding discontent.

In fact, the last thing I wanted this badly... was not meant for me. 

And God didn't let me have it.

At the time, I was devastated. But, I wasn't really listening to God on the issue at all.

Now, I rejoice in His sovereignty.

I realize now that if I had gotten what I wanted then, my life would not be at ALL what I had hoped it would be.

And so I'm cautious... sometimes... about my wants.

I have everything I need to survive: food, clothing, shelter... In fact I have more than I need. I am comfortable. Very comfortable. Except for this one thing. This thing I want is not of life and death importance but it is really important to me.

It is important to me because without it I will be forced to leave this country.

I suppose there are not many people who understand where my heart is right now. I get that people who have never lived away from home and loved it so much can't relate. Especially if immigration has never been an obstacle you've faced. But this life that God has given me has led me to Kenya and I have grown to love it intensely.

My life is here now. I have purpose here. I have friends and 'family' and a home here. I have a job opportunity here. And without this thing, I will have to leave all of it.

I know, without a doubt that it was God who got me here and He continues to open doors and create connections and renew a love for this, sometimes confusing culture every day. The one thing that stands in the way of my future here is immigration.

I WANT A WORK PERMIT.

I know that my God is infinitely bigger than immigration. And I know that He hears my prayers. But sometimes I don't feel loud enough. Sometimes I don't feel bold enough. Sometimes I don't feel... worthy enough.

And so I'm asking you: Christian, friend, supporter, prayer warrior, believer in miracles.

I'm asking if you would pray with me for this work permit to come before May of this year. It would mean the world to me to now that I'm not alone in my waiting.