I Don't Like Investing in Short Term Relationships

... is what I try not to say when I say things like, "I'm an introvert, I have to push myself to be social" or "I've had a long week, I just want to be around friends."

Truth is, most missionaries feel this way. Introverts and extroverts alike eventually get sick of people coming and going from their lives. We tend to stick close to those who are more likely to be permanent and hold loosely those whom we know will board a plane to depart just as quickly as they did to arrive. 

It doesn't have a lot to do with their lack of knowledge about their current surroundings, nor does it have anything to do with their short term agendas.

It is more likely that it has everything to do with the fact that as a missionary or any person who lives abroad, you have endured your share of great relationships who have been pulled away from you simply by the divide of an ocean... or a mountain, or even the scarcity of transport from one place to another.

We meet someone who we have a lot in common with. It could be geography, passion, language, list of movies, common holidays even. And then just as you think you've made a new best friend, their path branches off to a different set of adventures from yours, and let's face it: out of sight, out of mind.

That cliche sounds harsh, but it's reality. When you live in a world where your nearer relationships take a lot of effort, those who are not in your proximity can easily take a back-seat. It doesn't mean that these people are not loved or cherished, it just means that they are not 'here'. 

I know from experience that regardless of how easy the internet tries to make it, it's not easy to make everyone from your 'home' life feel as important as they were when you were there. And likewise, when a friend leaves you, communication is obviously not as constant. But I prefer to measure my relationships by the power of a re-visit... When I see that friend after a few months or even years, does it feel like we know each other? Or does it feel more like a person I used to know something about?

There are many people in my life that fall into the former category. And so, even though I am slow to put my heart out there to people who will only be in my life for a beat of it, I keep my heart open for those special people: Those who, within one conversation, you know will be the always friend. They won't make you feel guilty for not writing. And you won't be mad at them for the same. They are the ones who understand. And the ones who aren't afraid to tell you when they feel distant. The ones you see again after 4 years and talk like you just had lunch together yesterday.

For those people I am so grateful. And I can't wait till we are together again. Even if it is just for lunch.

P.S. If you are a short-termer reading this, don't be afraid. We are not all jaded. Just a little guarded.