Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Just Spinning My Wheels


Someone once told me, 
“If you don’t have time for God, then you’re doing more than He planned for you to do.”
I should have seen it coming. I typically know my limits but I had some questions I needed answered that seemed pressing since I stepped back on Kenyan soil.

Should I continue what I’m doing or is God moving me elsewhere?
Will I ever get a residency permit?
Will I be able to afford to get out next time my visa expires?
Will enough money come to pay the bills next month?
How long will I be here this time?
Does God even want me here anymore?

I may not have the answer to all of these yet but I can tell you one thing: A lot of these answers are used to entice me to doubt, to bring me down and to shift my focus away from where it should be.

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Stand Firm and Let God Fight

I had an unpleasant encounter with a neighbor a few days ago.
After a day long meeting and an hour in traffic, I enter the gate to my street and out of the darkness, a man I've never met, says harshly, "Where's the 500 you owe for security?"
My response should have had much more patience but it didn't. The short 'conversation' ended with, "This gate is illegal, I should call city council!" He yelled as I stormed off, "If you don't pay, you don't pass through the gate. There! I've told the guards, you can't pass here now."

Friday, September 14, 2012

The Rattlesnake And The Man

This morning I woke from a dream unlike any I've ever had before. I was with a man, one I didn't recognize from my life, who was teaching me some things as we wondered through some rooms.

We came to a room that we needed to get through but there was a single rattlesnake in this room. I can't remember what was on the other side of this room but I do remember feeling like I would brave anything just to get there. This man claimed that this snake was assiduous in it's desire to attack him the last time he passed through but he knew how to thwart the snake. 

The next thing I know, I am floating through the room side by side with this man. It seemed as if he intentionally led us to the snake rather than trying to get through the room quickly. He had a large piece of paper that draped down and he continuously positioned us in a way that if the snake struck, we would be defended by this shield. It was working, only I couldn't figure out why this man continued to stay in the corner of the room where this snake was, locked in a dance that seemed frustratingly unnecessary. 


I became fearful the longer we danced there and found myself separated from the man and trying to get to the door. Only, the further I got from the man, the lower I floated and somehow, this rattlesnake had ended up right in front of me. I heard the man call me back quickly. But I froze. Then the man yelled out a direction but it was too late. The snake lunged and just as I woke up, I knew that the 'me' I left in that dream had suffered a fatal bite.

Monday, July 9, 2012

If He Said It...

It was a Wednesday night and watching Extreme Makeover: Home Edition was a bad idea because I was already feeling a bit emotional.
I was trying to get my mind off of this huge mountain in front of me but just looking away doesn't make anything disappear. Two hours of avoidance had gone by and I knew I had to face it. There was a deadline in my near future and there was absolutely nothing that I could do to meet it.
I needed to hear from God so I approached Him in the laziest way I could: I opened up a Bible Study that I had been doing with a group of ladies, ironically titled, "He speaks to me." I re-read sentence after sentence and it was only after two pages of not really reading that I finally gave up and timidly opened my mouth.
It wasn't long before I became a puffy-faced mess on my bedroom floor.

I realized there were things I hadn't talked to God about, simply because I didn't want to say them out loud. and then I got to the heart of it: "I can't do this God. I have no resources, no money, There's nothing I can do to make this happen. You HAVE to do this."

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

This Is Kinda Tough

Bad news...
Immigration has decided to decline my application for a missionary permit.
I have yet to find out the reason yet, but this means that I am not YET a resident of Kenya.
My tourist visa is expiring at the beginning of July and so I need to leave the country... again.

There are a lot of aspects of this situation that are trying to bring me down and, I'm not going to lie, I have my days of stress. It's really hard when things that are out of your control don't go as you want them to. And it's just plain hard when things are out of your control. But God is doing something big here and taking me through a transition. And even though the boat may be rocking, this boat will reach the shore... eventually.

We all know that when it rains it pours and boy, is it pouring right now. I won't go into detail about everything that is standing in my way because it's just temptation to complain and forget to trust in my God.

But I do need prayer. Please pray for provision for my going home and returning again.
Provision has been a theme in my life for the past few years and you'd think I would have learned to trust without doubting by now. But I admit, it is still a lesson I need to learn. I'm waiting on God for what seems like a miracle. And when it happens, I know it will be undeniably His doing.

Monday, May 28, 2012

Grace Plays For Someone Else Now

Grace was on her way to a basketball scholarship in the US before she got injured. When she thought her dreams were lost, God showed her something new.

Listen to Grace's story below.

Knowing About vs. Knowing, Njeri Knows

Njeri knew about Jesus was when she was young, but it wasn't until she was 22 when she really understood that she needed Him in her life.

Listen to Njeri's story below.

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Expired Follow Up

In my last post I mentioned that things were getting a little down to the wire in terms of immigration and my forced departure date.

Well, I spent 4 hours at immigration on Friday and walked out of a very strange morning with a one month extension on my tourist visa and a free lunch!

I can't really explain it any other way than God does interesting things just for the fun of it I'm sure.
Who asked for lunch? not me. But it was delicious.

So now I have 30 more days for my resident missionary permit to come through.
And the thing I'm most thankful about is not having to leave this coming Saturday because it was really bad timing.

I will keep checking weekly on my permit. Please pray with me that it comes through accepted, otherwise, pray for travel money. Either way, God's plans are strange, fun and always better than mine. So here we go... one more month.

Friday, May 18, 2012

Time Expired

Well, it's that time again!
That's right, my tourist visa is expiring.
yippeeeeee (in the most sarcastic way)
My visa expires on June 2. That gives me 14 days from tomorrow.

What does that mean?
Well, this time around, I'm not entirely sure. Typically it means that I need to leave the country. I've been there before... a couple of times.

Why is this time different?
Almost 3 months ago I submitted my application for a Missionary Permit. It has not returned yet. I'm hoping that because the application is in, and I'm waiting on immigration, that somehow I can get an extension on my tourist visa until my permit is ready. (assuming it won't be denied.)

What if it IS denied?
Or, what if you can't get an extension?
At this point, God is involving me in so many things over here that I have no doubt that He is not ending my time here. If the permit is denied then I'll either need to try again or look into other options. But immediately it will mean that I need to leave the country for a short period of time.

Thursday, May 3, 2012

I Feel Lighter

Hours of editing pays off when a project is finished and the 'client' is happy.
This project was supposed to be a rush job. But I came to realize during our one day shoot of madness that when you work alone, productions can't really be rushed.

Fortunately, God has really increased my contacts in the production business here in Nairobi. I have a feeling the following projects will not only be more fun but will be a lot easier. (This one was fun too!)

Check out my latest completed project for ByGrace Trust.

Monday, April 30, 2012

I Only Asked For Bread

...and somehow ended up with a bakery.

In my last post I mentioned that one of my weaknesses is trusting that I am worthy of all of God's goodness through answered prayer. To re-cap, it says in Matthew 5:9-11, "You parents—if your children ask for a loaf of bread, do you give them a stone instead? Or if they ask for a fish, do you give them a snake? Of course not! So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him."

My lack of trust has nothing to do with God answering my prayers or not, cause the more I look at my history of relationship with Him, it's clear to see that I am insane for believing this lie. One thing that is for sure though is that my previous lack of vulnerability in bringing things to Him limited my ability to see clearly all the answers to the prayers that I dared not utter. It's a little sad to think of all the time that I wasted, never realizing that I was compartmentalizing my relationship with God when all He wants is to spend time with us; for us to know Him.

So I've been praying about everything.

For three months I prayed about moving. The only answer that I got from God was, "Wait."

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

50 Feet In The Air

Everyone struggles with something in their faith right?
Or, I'm the only one...?

Lately I've really been trying to correct some unbelief I have in the area of prayer.
In short, I'm the kind of person that totally believes in prayer, that God blesses and heals and listens to the hearts of his children. I believe prayer works... for other people.
I've always struggled a bit with the truth that God cares about me and actually wants bless my life in huge ways. Not because I don't believe He is able, but because maybe, there's a reason He would not want to be willing.

It sounds kind of ridiculous to struggle with that, especially knowing that if it were not for God and his plans for my life, I would not be in this place right now, this place in which I am absolutely, undeniably content and even thrilled.

But it's true, I have weaknesses, lots of them, just like you.
*gasp* Yeah, I just called you out.

Friday, March 30, 2012

He is Real, Just Ask Ann

The first of a (hopefully) long series of people sharing their stories of how God has changed them.

But first, here's a short behind the scenes video.



Sunday, March 25, 2012

He will NOT let me go!

His grip on me is so strong I can't do anything to shake it.

Today was a day that took me by surprise.
For anyone who works for, or is involved in ministry, in a Sunday morning church service, you know what I'm talking about when I say, sometimes, you have to make an effort to remember why and who you are serving.
It's easy to get lost in the 'work' aspect of your day and miss out on the worship, the message and ultimately miss out on what the Holy Spirit is doing in that room.
I'm guilty of that sometimes, especially when directing the video feed. As a director, your job is to talk constantly to camera operators, computer operators, sound people and anyone else you need to talk to in order to make everything run smoothly.

But today, I found myself in a place that took every ounce of responsibility in me not to drop my walkie-talkies, abandon my video mixer and just worship! And from 11am this morning even until this very minute, 9:30pm, Jesus has not left my side.

It's an encounter in which He sought me out. And it is so true of His character.
I've just gone through a difficult week emotionally... and spiritually. 
I failed this week. 
I ultimately needed forgiveness in a big way this week. 
And just as I weakly try to crawl from my hole and face my God, He acts as if I did nothing wrong.

"How God? How can you just love me like this after what I've done?"
"You brought your failures to me and admitted that you needed my help right?"
"Yeah."
"You asked for my forgiveness didn't you?"
"Yeah, I did."
"Then it's gone. Let's move on."

Friday, March 16, 2012

The Great Drought

Not only in Nairobi but on my blog it seems.

Ok, there's not really a drought in Nairobi, but it's been really HOT. Like 32 celsius hot... for weeks and there's not a lot of relief until sundown.

But this place has been seriously neglected and I am still sorry. Don't let this generate your opinions of me on such topics as parenting, pet ownership, stewardship or any other position of responsibility. I really am a responsible person... serious!

(This is where I would launch into a rant about how bad my internet has been for months but I just don't feel like complaining)

Instead, I'll give you a little snippet of what's happening right now.

VLOGS
I have about 4 to be edited.
Lately I've been working on quite a few projects at once and since I am not the type of person who prioritizes well, I've been plugging through all the urgent stuff more so than the important stuff. Still working on that. But know, there are vlogs coming. (One takes place at a Kenyan Wedding!)

PROJECTS
I am almost done a video project for By Grace Children's Home located in Ngong. (South west of Nairobi)
I filmed the whole thing in one day. I had some help from teachers at the school in wrangling in the actors but that day I took on the roles of director, sound engineer, director of photography, script writer and now editor. Let's just say that next time I will be asking for help. This project was a lot of fun to work on and I will be putting it on my youtube channel once it's done.

Baptism testimonial videos are one thing that I'm going to be taking initiative in creating at Nairobi Chapel this year and I will be filming my first one early next week. I have a meeting with the lady sharing her story and then it's film time. It should take a few sessions to edit but needs to be done by the end of next week. I'm excited about it but a little intimidated by the time frame because of other things going on.

Streeters! I've done streeters in the past with my good friend and former Youth Pastor. A streeter is basically taking a camera into the street and asking people questions. A couple of weeks ago I had the opportunity to do this with Chapel and I spent two days with the help of a friend just getting outside and talking to people. I love these kinds of projects. It gives you the opportunity to pick the brains of people you wouldn't normally have the opportunity to talk to, people from all kinds of social and economical backgrounds. We took the better part of a week condensing an hour and a half of footage into 3 minutes, created some subtitles, found some music and stuck on the Chapel logos and voila! An impactful video that we are showing at church this Sunday. I would love to upload this one but we had to assure hesitant participants that this video would not be published.

In the future I might have the opportunity to work on a video for a new organization that rescues young prostitute girls (under 12 years old) from slums to be housed, fed, educated, counseled and mentored. It's really heavy stuff but I'm hoping that God opens the door for me to have the opportunity to share what is going on in the lives of these girls, and how He is able to take someone even as broken as these and make them whole.


MORE
There is more stuff outside of video projects that I'm in the middle of. One big thing is MOVING!!
More on that soon...


Thursday, February 16, 2012

It All Started With The ATM...

There's been a theme in my life lately, on a large and a small scale.
It's as if God is saying, "You think that was good? Wait till you see what I am going to do next."

It all started with the ATM.
It was close to 8:30 in the evening and I had just finished up another hilarious brainstorming meeting at the church office and walked over to the grocery store across the street. It was also payday so I had planned to withdraw money and pick up a few groceries to stock up for the month.
So I put my card in the machine, check my balance to make sure I wouldn't take out too much. Then, after the initial shock of what was lacking because of a plummeting exchange rate, I typed in the numbers to withdraw and hit OK.
The ATM did it's typical shuffling game... then waited a few seconds, shuffled again, waited, shuffled.
I looked around a bit nervously to make sure no one was watching and then to my friend who had walked over with me, wondering if he was expecting millions to come out of that machine.
And then it happened. Something I had heard about but never experienced.