"You're Not Going Anywhere With That Attitude!"

"Fine then, I'll just sit here and mope for a year about life and about how you won't let me go."

I don't think it's a coincidence that now that my heart is back in one piece that my financial goals are almost met when they were sitting stagnant for so long.

And this is where I leave my dirty laundry all over the floor for you to have a look at.

Because my love of truth trumps my love of fooling you into believing that I have it all together. This is why I want to be real: Because I'm not perfect. Far from it... but if I pretend that I am it's just another lie to add to my 'experience as a hypocrite' resume and it's already long enough.

I was reading over some of my older posts and remembering where I was -not so long ago. And as I read, 

All my major organs are battling for normalcy. My heart for healing, my stomach for calm, my skin for warmth, my brain for peace, my blood to cool, my muscles to loosen my lungs to stop aching. Our bodies were designed to experience intense joy but because of that we also experience severe pain. It's the blessing and the curse of being alive... I want to erase the memories and conversations that keep me up at night and wake me up in the morning.

there was this strange detachment, like I was listening to a friend speak and could remember a time long ago when I felt the same way. But it wasn't a long time ago... it was a month ago. I wrote that post in July of last year... two days after my birthday... (you can read it here if you like) but I still felt remnants of that a month ago. I thought, "of course I wasn't able to get this ministry started. What kind of help can a missionary be who is in more pieces than the people she is serving?"

So when I finally reached a place of mental sobriety to seek a cure rather than a remedy to my problem, God took my heart and put it back together. And now instead of waking up in pain I wake up with thankfulness.

And then there was this tangible reward for giving up control over my grief and putting my life back in God's hands. I started raising support 7 months ago and in this last month my financial goal rose from 67% to 91% and continues to steadily rise.

Sooo not a coincidence! 

And so, now that we all agree I'm not perfect this is where I thank you. You, who have partnered with me financially and prayerfully to serve the poor in Kenya. For allowing me, with my lengthy 'experience as a hypocrite' resume and my battle scars, to lead this work you have invested in and for having confidence in the fact that God can use someone who is not perfect to accomplish greater things. Because that's when HE gets the credit.

Now if you'll excuse me... I have to go do some laundry.